If I had my way, this is what I’d like to see on Shark Week. And don’t send me any hate mail. First of all, Kim’s HAD the baby. Little North – or is it East? – wouldn’t be in any danger. And I’m not saying that I want poor Kim to get eaten exactly – even though it looks like it – I just want her hair and make-up to get really messed up. No one should look that good all the time. It’s fucking annoying.
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And God said,
“Children, listen to your mother, or I’ll give her permission to…
Post a picture of YOU wearing HER underpants when you were two on YOUR Facebook wall. Guaranteed, all of your 1543 friends will think it’s frickin’ adorable.
Never give you another birthday present for as long as you live, not even a gently-used glass eye.
Take that “me so horny, me love you long time” t-shirt that you love so much and give it to your father to dry his body with AFTER he showers – his WHOLE body, if you know what I mean. Once the t-shirt’s dry again (but probably not washed), she’ll give it back. You won’t even know it was gone.
Play so many cat videos on your laptop at once that it crashes, and it takes the guys at Apple a good two weeks to fix it.
Steal your iPhone, take a picture of you while you are sleeping – hopefully naked… your father says you do that now – and send it in a private message on Facebook to that girl/guy you like so much. Why not get this relationship jump started?
Yes, Facebook really IS a great revenge too. I’m so glad I made someone think of it.”
It’s just been that kind of day already, and it’s only 10:30 a.m. Kids. [frown]
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