Rebranding Canada

There has been some talk over the past year or two about the idea of rebranding Canada. I guess if Jennifer Aniston can repeatedly and successfully change her hair style, then why can’t we – as a nation – overhaul our image a little, right?

Back in 2012, in an effort to get people thinking about Canada beyond the traditional clich├ęs such as hockey, beavers, and maple syrup, Bruce Mau Design (BMD) – a team of graphic designers, architects, and writers with offices in Toronto and New York – created the “Know Canada” campaign. Their intention was for outsiders to simply get to know Canada better. Great idea.

I, for one, am proud to be Canadian.

We are a good country – a very beautiful land full of wide open spaces, VERY wide open spaces, sometimes SO wide open that it literally takes hours to get to good shopping. If you like camping though, you’ve come to the right place.

On the whole, we are a kind, compassionate, accepting, sexy, and yes, sometimes overly apologetic group of people. I did say sexy. Ryan Gosling. Rachel McAdams. Ryan Reynolds. Drake. Michael Buble. Shania Twain. Pamela Anderson. Don’t make me name about a hundred more individuals, most of whom will be complete strangers to you, but who are very attractive nonetheless…

Rebranding Canada | TheFurFilesWe rank among the best in the world in a few very important categories as well:

We have a very low crime rate. You have a higher chance of getting eaten by a bear than you do of getting mugged. I’m just guessing about that, but still, it’s probably true.

Per capita, there are more records broken in Canada than in any other country. In 2012, the University of Alberta organized the largest dodgeball game in history, rallying together almost five thousand people. If we know anything, it’s how to have a rocking good time. Don’t even get me started on our beer.

We have lots of immigrant millionaires. That’s a relatively strange fact to be spouting, I know, but I think it says something about our accepting attitudes. You come here from wherever, and you want to open a chain of cupcake stores? You’ll probably do very well. We’ll eat them. We don’t care who you are.

We are the most educated people in the world. We don’t factor Justin Bieber and his mansion of cocaine-users into that group. He’s very talented though. See what positive thinkers we are? We also see the good in everybody. We are like saints, or at least, the new Pope. Gay marriage? It’s just a regular thing around here.

Our humour is a little off the wall, at times. It’s called sarcasm. Deal with it.

We have the most sex, probably because it’s so cold for half the year that there’s nothing else for us to do. Seriously, that should count for the most out of anything ever.

Who doesn’t like a little loving in front of the fireplace, on a bearskin rug, a bottle of wine on the table, wearing a parka, visualizing Leo (or Kate or both) in the movie Titanic while Celine plays in the background? And how DOES one have sex while wearing a parka? Wouldn’t you like to know? We Canadians have to keep some things a secret.

Addendum: my friend Ross Murray – fellow Canadian blogger over at Drinking Tips For Teens – says that I’ve un-cooled us Canadians by admitting that we listen to Celine Dion. OK, forget her. I was laying around making love to Arcade Fire, or better yet, Drake. Is that hip/hype/hippity-hop enough for you?


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What It’s Like Being “Super” Canadian

My kids sometimes make comments about people, saying they are “super” Canadian.

“See so-and-so. He’s ‘super’ Canadian,” they’ll say.

“What exactly does that mean?” I ask. I figure that since WE are Canadian, we might fall into that category as well.What It's Like Being "Super" Canadian

“Really nice. Too nice. Family and community-oriented. Not hard-core enough. Pathetic at times.”

“Is that how you see yourself?” I’m wondering. It seems like a reasonable question to ask.

“That’s another thing – Canadians care.” It’s my daughter talking. “They want to know how people ‘feel’ about things. And you’ve just proven my point. Sometimes, you just shouldn’t give a shit. See, when I said, ‘Canadians can be kind of pathetic,’ you should’ve just shrugged your shoulders and gone and watched five episodes of Strike Back, picking food out of your teeth with a knife, and farting loudly every now and again.”

“Your father DOES watch that dumb show, and he farts loudly sometimes, but who would be stupid enough to pick food out of their teeth with a knife? If the fact that I care about things, makes me ‘super’ Canadian, than I guess I am. You are too, except when it comes to cleaning up after yourself,” I laugh.

“Ha, ha, ha. You’re funny – not.” My daughter walks out of the room, leaving a banana peel on the counter.

“Hey, I’m not your maid,” I say, picking it up and putting it in the compost bin. Things like that don’t go in the garbage. What? I’m trying to save the planet in every small way I can.

One things for sure, up here in the “Great White North”, we are nothing like Rihanna in her music video “Pour It Up”. I don’t even think Drake or Justin Bieber would go that far. Robin Thicke might, but he’s an anomaly.

Truly Canadian piece of advice: money will never be that important.

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