A Few Simple Questions Can Tell You A Lot About A Person

You can tell a lot about a person by how they answer certain questions. Consequently, I thought you might want to learn a little more about me. I know I always want to learn more about myself, like who doesn’t? So I took part in this random questionnaire that I found on the internet. And then I got a few of my family members to do the same. Weirdness ensued.

Here are the questions:

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 48, and find line 4. What does it say?

It’s a quote from the play Salomé, written by Oscar Wilde – “I am amorous of thy body, Jokanaan. Thy body is white like the lilies of the field…There is nothing in the world so white as thy body. Suffer me to touch thy body.” Hot turn-of-the-century stuff.

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?

“Xtreme Monkey” Gym Rings, a very large book about voodoo, and an empty truffle wrapper.

Before you started this survey, what were you doing?

Eating raw broccoli, a tomato, and baked salmon dipped in Sriracha sauce. Oh, and I ate that truffle as well.

What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Some movie with James McAvoy. I fell asleep.

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

A place in the Caribbean for all of my family and friends to come and visit. I would design it myself. And a cat and dog sanctuary for unwanted and/or abused pets.

Tell me something about you that most people don’t know.

I nursed all of my children until the day they turned three, no more, no less.

If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?

Easy. I’d rip out all the windows and make them bigger, and I’d install a sleeping porch. That’s it.

What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

I wonder if any cats have pooped or barfed on the floor during the night.

Think fast, what do you like right now?

Ummm, ummm, ummm, Sriracha sauce and Justin Timberlake. He’s hot.

What are your best physical features?

My eyebrows, and the arches of my feet. If I do say so myself, the arches of my feet are pretty darn sexy.

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So what did I learn about myself from taking this quiz? I’d say – that I have a problem with enclosed spaces (true), that I’m definitely a romantic (also true), that I love animals (totally true), and that I’m a bit of a total frickin’ weirdo. My husband would vehemently agree with that last statement.

A Few Simple Questions Can Tell You A Lot About A Person | TheFurFiles

As for the other members of my family, their answers weren’t all that interesting. They did a lot of mumbling about lying in blankets and watching Million Dollar Listing because I forced them to. What I learned about them? They are a bunch of big babies who whine a lot. And truth be told, they are all kind of boring.

My husband did say that he has 3.5 cats. I thought that was interesting since the rest of us in the same household have four. I guess he considers Jackson only half a cat. Figures since the two of them don’t get along very well.

On a final note, my younger son answered that he thinks most people would be surprised to know that he actually has a heart. I’m surprised by that too. What I’m not surprised by however is the fact that the first thing he thinks about when he wakes up in the morning is girls, though he didn’t say “girls” exactly. He said the word that rhymes with “sussy”, hence the reason why I’m not sure he has a heart.

Next time I’ll know to keep the questionnaire stuff all to myself. There are just some things a mother does NOT need to hear about.

Would You Rather? The Mother Version

The “Would You Rather” game is HUGE in our house, especially at holiday meal time.  Typical questions are usually spewed out by my sons…

“Would you rather wrestle an alligator with one hand tied behind your back, or have someone stick you in the eye with a burning hot piece of metal?”  Boys – so uninventive.

So today, I thought I’d make up a few of my own “would you rather” scenarios in honour of all the mothers, wives, and women around the world.  Here goes…

Would you rather make dinner every day for the rest of your life, or never have to make dinner again but have someone hand-stitch one – just one – of your eyelids shut?

Would you rather clean up your kid’s barf after they ate all-you-can-eat sushi, or barf yourself after cleaning up your kid’s barf after they ate all-you-can-eat sushi?  Yeah, you’re right.  This one’s obvious.

Would you rather have someone call you a bitch, or have someone tell you that your skirt has been hiked up all afternoon and that everyone and their brother now knows that you wear a leopard-print thong.  Strange that you didn’t feel the draft, but this is hypothetical.  Just answer the damn question already.

Would you rather pay for your daughter to have braces (and her teeth are REALLY screwed up, like her whole jaw needs realigning), or coach your son’s soccer team when you know absolutely nothing – and I do mean NOTHING, like you think a goal is worth four points – about soccer, and it’s a competitive league, and the kids are fifteen and sixteen years old, and all the other parents will be watching your every pathetic attempt to show them what to do.  And you’re knocked-kneed, and you look really stupid running. LOL, I can’t even comprehend the horror of the second part. I think I’d rather be dead. 

Would you rather have sex on a night that you don’t really want to, or have your husband tell you that he’s “just not interested” and that there’s (suspiciously) “no particular reason why, he just isn’t”?

Would you rather do a full grocery shop – alone – at Walmart on a busy Saturday afternoon with three kids under the age of three, or take your seventeen-year-old daughter and her two girlfriends shopping at the mall to spend an undetermined amount of YOUR money?  I guess this one’s pretty obvious as well. An “undetermined amount of money”?  Are you kidding?  I’ll take the temper tantrums and evil looks from onlookers over how I can’t handle three young children any day.

Would you rather get a box of Bran Buds for your birthday, or Call Of Duty: Black Ops for PlayStation 3? Married? It happens.

Would you rather vacuum up that expensive earring you just lost, or vacuum up wet-ish cat poop?

Would you rather get squirted in the face with a juice box, or punched in the crotch by a one-year-old?

Would you rather your husband had a secret crush on Penelope Cruz, or on the neighbour lady who looks a lot like Roseanne Barr? The way I see it, the Roseanne lookalike is much more attainable, and therefore way more of a threat.

Would you rather clean up after the washing machine leaked – you have a second floor laundry room and there is water and soap everywhere – or clean up the juice jug that someone spilled and it went all under the fridge?

Would you rather have your husband’s parents come to live with you, or have flies in your house all the time because your kids never shut the screen door and your compost bucket sits on the back deck.  And no, you can’t move the compost bucket – it is nailed down.

Would you rather have someone tell you that you looked pregnant when you’re not, or have someone tell you that you just look fat?

Would you rather get naked with Colin Farrell and a baby goat, or Anderson Cooper and nothing?

Would You Rather? The Mother Version | TheFurFiles

Would you rather get your finger caught in the blender, or your toe caught in the lawnmower?

Would you rather go to the hairdresser and have them turn your hair green before your daughter’s dance recital, or before your son’s graduation?  Someone will be taking pictures at both, but the dance recital images are more likely to end up in the newspaper.  Both will end up on the internet.  There’s nothing you can do about that.

Would you rather have your child swear at a teacher in grade four, or in grade ten?

And finally…

Would you rather walk in on your daughter having sex with her boyfriend, or your son diddling himself?  Oh God, either one of these would make me want to fling bleach into my eyes.

Now, if all of this craziness isn’t enough for you, then there’s “Would You Rather” the official website.  Their ideas are not as good as mine, but it’s better than nothing.

Happy Monday everybody.  I don’t have cramps or a headache – not yet anyway.